Michael 'to retire from touring'

Hampstead Heath to become a little less congested.

Thief uses CCTV camera as mirror

More bling than brains.

Plane abandoned at Hanoi airport

The perfect Father's Day present, fuelled and ready to go.

The Smurfs head to the big screen

Smurfette to feature in blue movie.

Mud phobia pig gets its own boots

Next step is to get him used to butchers and sandwiches.

Fern Britton back on This Morning

Britton's yo-yo-ing continues. Diets, tv appearances, self-respect.

Sudoku-playing jurors halt trial

Difficulty rating: Extreme. Time-limit: life

EU tightens reins for horse trade

Equine passports to be issued. Idenity cards to follow, then equal rights, and first elected MP sometime around 2020.

42-day concession to be offered

Bribery hits new high in Parliament.

Potter 'prequel' sold at auction

Nutter pays £25,000 for Potter prequel: Harry born. Harry Happy. Voldemort kills parents. Harry sad. The End.

India tea strike sparks clashes

Storm in a tea cup hits Darjeeling.